What would you do if I sang outta tune.. 7/11

      I was raised at the end of what was the "get outside and do something" era, or the era of "go pick a switch." My grandfathers favorite line when we got to his house when I was a kid, kept us out of trouble. I think only one of us caught it in our whole life time though. I sure wish my cousins would have gotten it a little more and I am sure they are praying for my misfortune as well.

     I remember, my uncle got a riding lawn mower to mow the yard full of trees and a gravel driveway. My grandfather who worked for nearly nothing his whole life to have something, had just bought a brand new 1993 Chevy blazer with an electronic rear window. You know, when they came out with defrost on the back window? SOME of you might. Well uncle Randy's tire kicked the rock and it went through the windshield. How I still hate him for looking my grandfather in the eye and blaming it on us grand-kids who were in the woods all day playing, doing nothing minding our own damn business. I can still hear my cousin to this day wailing so loud. My mother knew better and promised to spank me when I got home, but when grandpa held out his hand for her share of the 300 dollar window...  Have you ever have that moment when you wish you were somewhere else? Or someone else's kid?

      We as kids were complete hell. At my mothers wedding we got a hold of a case of lemon lime soda and my cousin from St Louis taught us to barely pop the top and shake it at just the right angle. We learned how to make a soda can into the best 45 second soda water gun ever! At least that's what we thought until the next morning when my aunt got a hold of us for spraying it all over he brand new pick-up. My aunt is a beautiful woman and not a bad aunt either, I was her baby, which is why she called my mother on her honeymoon to come to the house to whoop me for it.

      My family drank ice cold Michelob, and Coors after drinking water all day. Grandma always had tea in the morning and there was always toast. I went to sleep on Saturday nights with Hank Williams in my ears, woke up on Sunday morning with Robert Shuler, and Charles Osgood, when MASH came on we either got outside, or went to lay down for a nap.

      We rode big wheels, ate bologna sandwiches and I think we all know the wonder that is the ham salad sand which. Lightning bugs after dark were our favorite sport, and who the heck cared what was on t.v. xbox? PS-what? I'll show you what a ps is, it sounds like something you do behind a tree so ladies don't see you.When us boys fought we split a beer, and we all knew what wrasslin' was. I too tried to jump from my grandfather shed wearing a batman cape, and we all nearly drowned at least a dozen times.

       Ill be 30 years old in a few months. I am still a baby myself but Ill never forget the sounds of cicadas in the evening after a hot July afternoon. The music so loud and my parents playing cards all night. My grandpa passed almost 13 years ago. Moms been gone now for two. My step dad is doing the best he can to get on, and most of my family does their own thing. The Bar-b-que pit was sold off years ago along with the land and the trailer. The screened porch has long since been torn down and, in the middle of nowhere in the bottom hills of the Niangua river in Roach Missouri is a chained link fence around what used to be my amusement park, my swimming hole, my home, and part of the best memories a boy could have.